The blessing of Speech!

We human beings have been blessed with the ability to speak as one of the ways to communicate. The ability to communicate is not unique to our species. Majority of animals, birds, fishes, insects, etc also communicate with one another. But there is a difference between their communication and our communication.

Species other than human beings may only communicate for basic needs. For example in the animal kingdom, mostly animals communicate each other for food, mating and sometimes for gathering their herds or cautioning their herd against danger. But we human beings use the ability of speech for a large number of reasons.

Different languages, different dialects and complementing these are our facial expressions, our handmade gestures, our body language and most importantly – our eyes. This gives our ability to speak an endless spectrum, an infinite pallet, just like for painting we have a pallet of colors but which is limited, but with speech it is infinite.

Talking, praising, flattery, complaining, criticizing, scolding, public speaking, sermons and preaching, teaching, joking, expressing love, consoling, justifying, dialogue-baazi, thanking,…..etc. there are so many different ways in which we speak depending on the person we are talking to or the subject of conversation. Whether we are addressing a gathering of thousands or just answering to a small child, or speaking to our parents (even in that we speak differently to our father and mother) or speaking to our spouse.

The achievements (both positive and negative) made by man through speech are far greater than any other achievement in any other field. Pick up our history and one can find many examples, pick up today’s newspaper you will still find many more examples.

Speech can heal wounds faster than any medicine.

But it can also cause far greater damage than any ammunition.

Speech can inspire and infuse entire nations to stand together.

But it can also break the very same nations by making gullible public believe in fictional reasons.

Speech can console a broken heart and give it strength to pick up the pieces walk towards the future.

But it can also extinguish the candle of hope and push individuals to end themselves.

Speech can enlighten, educate and satisfy human curiosity and hunger for knowledge.

But it can also be used to poison young minds and damage a person for life.

Speech can help bring peace to troubled souls.

But it can also be used to shatter a calm and composed person.

Speech can help you express love, care and spread warmth and friendship in this world

But it can also be used to make person feel utterly lonely even though they are amongst a crowd.

Speech can be used to ease the burden of a friend’s heart and mind

But it can also be used to pile up huge unwanted feelings on someone.

Speech at times can be used to forgive and ask forgiveness.

But it can also be used to complain and blame others

I had the honor to be the student of some very great human beings. One of them is Mr. Sharad Kumar under whom I attended the Engineering Mechanics tuition classes (outside college) in my First year of engineering in Nagpur. His one line/ dialogue, always stuck in my mind and even though so many people around me have uttered the same line before him, somehow his way of saying has stuck in my mind. He used to ask the class a question and as you know every class in the world, irrespective of the course or age group, will have some student(s) who like to shout out the answer before others. So in our class also couple of students would shout out the answer. If the answer is wrong then they would still try to answer the second time (in the same breath) but Mr. Sharad Kumar would stop them from answering the second time and say, “Bandook se nikli hui goli aur zubaan se nikli hui baat, kabhi wapas nai aasakti.” (Translation: the bullet fired from a gun and the words uttered from the mouth can never come back)

So true! The above line is so very much true. I have observed people all around me, and even experienced it myself. We say so many things in the heat of the moment, intentionally and unintentionally. And sometimes the unintentional stuff that comes out of our mouth, we so very badly wish that it would not have come out. But it has already come out and caused irreparable damage. 

Breaks peoples heart, breaks relationships, breaks trust, just because we said something which later on we try to sheepishly cover up by saying, “I didn’t really mean what I said.”

Our speech is controlled by us and its upto us as to how we utilize it. And of course at times you might be misinterpreted and misunderstood by the other person, but then again once you realize that, the onus lies on you to clarify the same without any prejudice or malice. Friendships have been sunk, families have been torn apart just for the sake of a simple misunderstanding which was left as it is and despite people not being ‘dumb’ on either side, nobody took the initiative to speak up to sort things out. But everyone is up for gossiping and spreading rumors and animosity. Nobody wants to bring the two persons in front of each other and make them talk to clear out the matter

At times it may seem all frustrating, so much confusing, just like Aamir Khan pointed out in the film “PK”, “wouldn’t it be much simpler if we could just read each other’s thoughts?” But then again, would we want anyone to know what we are truly thinking? The ability of speech helps us hide our thoughts, which may be very ugly and bitter, and still speak sweet as honey talks.  I thank Almighty Allah for this blessing of speech, ask forgiveness for if I have used it for the wrong reasons.

I ask Allah to grant me the serenity to remain silent and the courage to speak the truth and most importantly, the wisdom to know the difference. 

The disappearing wisdom of grandmother’s tales.

I am an avid story listener. Where there is a story being told, I will sit down immediately and switch my mobile to silent.  Be it the movies, or my Naniammi reminiscing or my father enthralling me with one of his adventures or my Ammi sharing her life’s experiences, or even an elderly customer of mine who at times likes to share his some unique civil work experiences. No matter how much I am pressed for time, if someone begins sharing something with me I just sit down.

Not just stories with learning or a moral in the end. I will enjoy any tale. Be it a cute childhood memory, or a story of achievement against odds or just a funny incident people would like to mention to lighten the day.

I am big believer in learning from each and everyone’s life’s experiences, especially from my father’s. I am also all the time probing the elderly in my immediate family and extended family for stories of their childhood and the childhood of my parents. How did they used to live? How did they share such limited resources with so many of them? What games they used to play? There is just so much to learn from them apart from the fact the elderly feel delighted that someone is there to listen to their stories, or just sit with them and spend time with them.

Now days I see youngsters when they visit their relatives and grandparents back home in India, they have the customary greetings of Assalamu alaikum and then they just move to a corner of the house, fish out their smart phones or PSP and are just engrossed in it. They are so much more engaged in chatting, facebooking, whatsapping, tweeting, with people not even on the same continent. And they are completely ignorant of the treasure trove of stories and wisdom the elderly sitting in front of them holds within his/her memories and heart, willing to pour it completely into you at the instance you just move your ear closer to them.

Very soon this wisdom, which is the very core essence of value building in our families, will fade away. This is wisdom which is essential for inculcating good behavior in children, good values, good etiquettes, even before they start going to school. As the elderly leave us for their heavenly abode, so will their wisdom leave us and our future will be severely malnourished. There are two issues which come to my mind for my fear that our future will be deprived

• 1.       Our generation is "born with the silver spoon generation"

As time passes by so does the generations. Our present generation, I would say are consisting of majority of us being born with a silver spoon in the mouth, if not golden or platinum. As we progress our future generations will be far greater pampered. And Thank to Almighty Allah and thanks to our parents, who despite not having such privileged childhoods themselves have strived and worked hard to give us this comfortable and protected lives. We learnt so much from them and from the generation before them, from their stories, from their experiences, because they had to struggle and had to face the odds in life. But we, what have we had to do which is even comparable to even one day in their lives? And what wisdom are we going to pass to our future generations. What are our struggles our achievements?

Plus even we ourselves are so busy in our lives and workplaces that we no longer spend time with our parents and the other elderly in our family. If I had to use todays jargon, we do not have time to download this wisdom into our system then how can we upload the same or what will we upload in to the servers of our future generations? And the hard disks of wisdom will soon become extinct. Then how will our children learn compassion, sharing, picking themselves up after failure and to celebrate life. What are we going to pass on?

That is if we are able to talk to our children at all, which brings tom me to the second issue I want to raise

• 2.      Are we able to talk to our children?

We are very busy, in our offices, in our kitty parties, in our business, in our so called ‘social life’. From a very young age we want our children not to be a disturbance/intrusion to us. So when they come to us after we have returned from a busy day at office, we hand them a smartphone or some other electronic gadget. When we have guests in our house, we put the kids in front of the TV. So as they grow up, they are more comfortable with their gadgets rather than speaking to us. Try talking to any teenager today. It’s difficult to get them to open up, even much harder than policemen trying to extract information from suspects. “What are you doing?” – “Something”. “Where are you going?” – “Somewhere”. “How was your day? ” – “OK”.

Not only our children, even us for that matter. We go out for dinners with our partners or friends or spouses but half the time each individual is engrossed in his/her mobile. There is no sharing of ideas or experiences. Everybody feels bored by the time the meal arrives. But when we look back to our parent’s generations, and when they used to sit down for a meal with their friends & relatives, the food would get over but not the conversations. They would share their achievements, struggles, problems to even the most embarrassing situations and have jolly good laugh about it.

But now days we do not share achievements, lest the other person gets jealous, we do not share failures lest everyone makes fun of us. When we are not comfortable sharing amongst our own age group, then how will we share experiences with our kids and how will we teach them not to make the same mistakes that we have made.

My Naniammi passed away on 17^th December 2014, couple of days back. May Allah grant her the highest place in Jannah – Ameen!. Personally, I can’t help but keep remembering every single time I have sat down with her to listen to stories of her childhood and also the childhood of my parents. I hold all these stories very dearly in my heart and keep recalling them, lest it might fade away in the clutter I hold in my mind. For when I share these stories with my children, Insha Allah, it will be the best stories. 

My dearest Naniammi

I try to remember what I have forgotten. And I try to forget what I should have forgotten.

As I sit here besides the great ocean, remembering, reminiscing.......

I try to remember what I have forgotten

And I try to forget what I should have forgotten.

We forgot how lovely the sunrise was or still is.

But we have not forgotten to wake up early and race against it.

We forgot how refreshing the cool morning breeze is.

But we haven’t forgotten to switch on the AC before we settle down anywhere.

We forgot how good the breakfast was when our moms use to lay it for us.

But we haven’t forgotten to skip breakfast for a lean figure.

We forgot how we wouldn’t start our class without greeting each and every friend present.

But we haven’t forgotten to ignore the colleague in the next cubicle.

Today, in this fast paced life filled with technology, we still tend to forget

Our loved one's birthdays, anniversaries, groceries, even the simplest of them all reaching home on time to spend time with family.

But we never forget our work, our official work, and never forget to be punctual for appointments and most of all never forget to sacrifice our personal time for a little extra overtime.

We forget to care.

But always remember to flatter our superiors at work.

We forget to help others

But always remember to step on them for our own success.

We forget to love or even express it.

But always remember to demand it or its compensation.

We forget to keep in touch.

But always remember to cherish the memories.

We forget to remain calm n patient.

But always remember to lose our temper.

We forget to respect and nurture.

But always remember to assert our age n experience.

We forget the very reason we started on this journey and the route planned.

But we remember the result and to achieve it no matter what.

Is this the fault of our memory, or as they call it amnesia. Or has our minds reprogrammed our priorities.

We forget to celebrate our near n dear one's success.

But we do not forget to get jealous n curse our luck.

We forget to comfort them in their hard times.

But never to cry out in front of the world when in pain.

We forget people’s names.

But do not forget the business opportunity they are for our success.

We forget to encourage.

But never to discourage.

We forget to praise.

But never to criticize.

We forget to be generous.

But never to be stingy.

We forget to have fun.

But never to be serious.

We forget to express gratitude.

But never to demand more.

We forget to accept responsibility.

But never to blame others.

For sure most of us have forgotten compassion.

But never to be more practical.

As I sit here beside the great ocean, I see, I think, and I reflect.

I try to remember what I have forgotten.

And I try to forget what I should have forgotten.

I forgot to carry a pen n paper to write these thoughts down.

But haven’t forgotten to carry a Smartphone where I can type it all.

Hypocrisy - The act of pretending to be better than one is

Pretending to be busy when your not busy

Pretending to be happy when your not happy

Pretending to look sorted when inside its total complex

Pretending to be at peace when its nothing but chaotic

Pretending to having the time of the life when its sucks big time

Pretending to be good when you don’t want to every time

Pretending to be cool when your mind is blowing off with rage

Pretending to be free when it feels like your stuck in some cage

Pretending to pray when deep down you feel an atheist

Pretending to abide when inside you feel the urge to deny

Pretending to help others when you are the one who needs help

Pretending to be all fixed up when you are totally broken inside

Pretending to have loved when it was nothing more than a crush

Pretending to love them all when at times you just feel shooting em’ all

Pretending to be all grown up and mature when you in fact are just a spoilt brat

Pretending to listen all the time when what you really do most of the time is ignore

Pretending to have forgiven even though you curse them with every breath

Pretending to have forgotten even though each wound still aches

Pretending to solve others mess when you yourself are in deep shit

Pretending to be genuine when in fact you are the real hypocrite

When I say YES! | When I say NO!

When I say YES!

When I say NO!

People are happy even if I am not People don’t ask even though I would like them to hear me out They readily shirk their work for me even though I said yes, only for my part They smile even though I feel like cursing them inside They agree even though I have certain objections They relax even though they know my weekend is screwed. They love me even though I know its fake

People are sad even if it means my happiness People ask for justification even when I don’t need to give any. They feel burdened even though I was not part of their task in the first place They frown even though they know it means good to me They disagree even after I have made my decision They get tensed even though it is their work and their deadline They hate me even though it does not affect my love for them

There is a very thin line between.....

confidence | overconfidence

attitude | arrogance

leader | dictator

being decisive | being impulsive

being strong | being insensitive/cold

being sensitive | being an emotional fool

love | obsession

loyalty | betrayal

patience | cowardice

need | greed

which side are you on?

Spare your tongue!

Spare your tongue.

Not only to speak whats on your mind.

But also to give voice to someone else's feelings.

Spare your tongue.

Not only to win arguments and debates.

But also to negotiate peace.

Spare your tongue.

Not only to gossip and spread rumours.

But also to speak the truth when its the hardest thing to do.

Spare your tongue.

Not only to make accusations.

But also to ask for forgiveness.

Spare your tongue.

Not only to vent out your anger.

But also to tell someone how much you love them and care for them.

Spare your tongue.

Not only to give farewell speeches.

But also to call up your loved ones faraway, and tell them how much you miss them.

Spare your tongue.

Not only to ask and demand.

But also to thank and show gratitude.

Spare your tongue.

Not only to make fun of others.

But also to console them in their times of hardship.

Spare your tongue

Not only to provide consultancy for business empires.

But also to counsel others seeking answers.

Spare your tongue.

for doing a good deed to someone

for someone who has done a good deed for you

for being courageous enough to accept your mistakes

for forgiving others mistakes

Spare your tongue.

for erasing distances of thousands of miles that exist between your loved ones

for breaking the barriers of indifference in the hearts of your near and dear ones.

for relieving your heart and attaining peace.

for enriching lives of people around you

Lend an ear,

Spare your tongue.

(Suno. Sunao. Life Banao!)

Nazariya - Chapter 1

Heres one to the dreamers!!!!!

Dreamer – anyone who dreams. According to its definition all human beings are dreamers. So what is it I want to discuss here? Lets begin.
I am not talking about some great visionary or scientist or inventor here. I am not talking about some great leader or statesman here. I am talking about us here, we the people.

In school, I believe there are two types of students. One type, the focussed, bright ‘A’ graders who will always figure in the top 5% or say 10% of the result sheet. And the other type, I would prefer to call them ‘Dreamers.’

So do I mean that the ‘A’ graders don’t dream at all, absolutely not! Then why only the second type are called ‘dreamers.’? Well, by the end of this I hope you will be able to see my ‘Nazariya’.
The ‘A’ graders there are very good, very focussed since a very young age as to what they want in life, what are their goals, and more importantly how to reach that goal. You really have to give it to them ladies and gentleman for their unwavering will and focus, otherwise in today’s world it is very easy to get distracted.

I think it is more to do with the way their minds were conditioned at a very young age.
For example, I may be wrong, but most of the kids who have their parents as doctors, end up being doctors. One of the reasons I suppose is that from a very early age they see their parents as doctors, they hang around hospitals, see what great job their parents are doing and hence you know get inspired to be that which leads to their dreams, goals and passion, all linked to being a doctor.

Other type of ‘A’ graders is those who from a very young age have an idol to look upto and then they get so obsessed with it that they want to achieve more or the same as their idol. Once again their dreams, goals and passion get linked to that one thing or one filed their idol belongs.
But no, I am not here to discuss these ‘A’ graders, I want to tell you more about ‘Dreamers’. Who are they? Well a simple way to identify them is as elaborated below.

Around 9th or 10th std most of us in school are bombarded again again by one question, “What is your goal is life?” Invariably all the students in the class will answer. But there will be some who will lie, not because they don’t want to tell the truth but because, the truth is, they don’t have one.

Right from the school to college and even while working, the dreamer doesn’t have that one dream to throw himself totally into, but he has lots of dreams behind which his heart would like to run.

‘A’ graders, right from the beginning have one goal and one dream and hence I feel sometimes this acts as a disadvantage, in a way that not many other things interest them and hence I feel there exploring instincts get rusted. Whereas, on the other hand, ‘Dreamer’ is always exploring new fields, always falling in love with something or the other.

Take the author for example, for those who don’t know the author personally it starts with cars and bikes, since a very young age he was crazy behind them. So logically the answer to the question – “what is your goal in life?” in 10th std was automobile engineer. But somewhere deep down in his heart he was still debating, was it the machine that he was attracted to or the feeling of driving or riding. Moving on, the author went on to do his engineering in Mechanical.

Then came along MBA, a field he was unaware until his 3rd year Engg, until he heard his friends discussing it. Subsequently it led him to exploring media, advertising and marketing. The author fell in love gain. He started loving media and advertising so much he dreamt of himself as an advertising guru.

Also along the way he got encouragement for his writing skills. He started dreaming of himself as a writer.

All this while he got a chance to spend more time on the road, tripping on his bike and then suddenly he realised that his real passion was travelling and being on the road on the bike.
Now well into his first job and also having quit it, the author has some different plans. When his boss (now ex) asked him during his exit interview “Where do you see yourself after 10 years?” he says, “I see myself as a teacher.”

On the other hand if he would have been an ‘A’ grader kind of focussed guy I am sure he would be as of now an M. Tech and working in some R&D department of some automobile company.
But mind you, the author was a bright student, a college and once a university topper in Engg.
But tell me what is more interesting, the 3 lines mentioned above of the author as an ‘A’ grader – which literally sums up the entire life. Or the 4 paragraphs of the actual life of author, to which more will get added coz the author is a dreamer.

Exactly, and let me tell you dear readers we will realize this when we become parents or grandparents (assuming the present generation won’t have time as parents to tell their children stories but sure hope they do have time as grandparents) and we are narrating our stories to the kids around.

The ‘A’ graders will have stories but I feel they will be short and will evoke only one feeling – inspiring. But us Dreamers, our stories will have all the masala in it, the confusion while choosing subjects, the goof up of flunking in a course because we just chose it on impulse and the uncertainty of where our lives will lead us but nevertheless enjoying it to the hilt.

And I would say the dreamer’s life is also shaped up into the way it is, largely due to the freedom of thought which he gets from his family, the undying support from them in whatever he does.
Some of you may say, doesn’t he mean day dreamers, people always lost in their world of fantasies not quite focussed, etc.

I would beg to differ, day dreamers have a derogatory feel attached to it. On the other hand I feel its not at all derogatory to be a dreamer. I feel as opposed to the ‘A’ graders who always think “I have to do this” a dreamer will always think “I have to do all this” and more so “what else can I do?” and may get up every day of his life having dreamt of himself as a different person, in a different career.

Dreamer’s dreams are not enslaved by one goal as opposed to an ‘A’ graders. An ‘A’ grader, who wants to become a doctor, will always dream of topping his class, getting admission to the best college in medicine, specialising and being a top notch doctor. Whereas a dreamer’s dreams are like a free bird. Always flying and exploring new horizons.

Tell me readers how many of you (considering you all are working) still get dreams of you doing good in some other field other than the one you are working, and you get up and say, “why not?” I feel majority of our dreams are enslaved, by our day to day commitments. Some of us just dream or rather I should say plan their following day in their dreams, they do financial planning in their dreams. Zyada se zyada they will dream about a new home, new car or a vacation . C’mon give me a break. Allah hasn’t given us this awesome blessing to be wasted like this.

I guess this has become too long and I might as well end it here.

So like I said in the beginning lets hear it once again for the ‘A’ graders and last but not the least, raise whatever is in your hands and say, heres to the ‘Dreamers’!!!!!

"Nazariya" - a point of view

Welcome to Nazariya!!!
In this section I would like to put forth my point of view on some subjects. Subjects – some may sound very trivial, some may be interesting, some may be debatable or some may be hilarious.
Whatever it may sound like is up to each individual reading it and I would like honest feedback on the same.

Before I begin, a disclaimer – The author means no harm or has no aim to ridicule any section, region or part of the society. Also some of the articles in this section may not have a sound base of facts so my apologies if i have quoted something wrong. The aim of this section is just to entertain, and if possible sometimes to provide food for thought.

Cant thank you all enough

Today on 14th November, first of all Happy Childrens Day to all.

Well 14th Nov after last year has a lot more significance for me. And today here i stand, perfectly normal, back to riding, only because of your support, because of your care, because of your freindship.

And hence i take this opportunity, and its not only me its my family - Dad, Mom, Naaz, Fatima, Kareem Mama and Nani and many more (its a big family) to Thank you all.

Thank you Yajant, Anil, Varun, Pranav, Venu, Utsav, Shantanu, Pooja, Prerna, Isha, Divya, Samhita, Suhasini and all my MICAN friends.

Thank you for being there for me and my family.

And especially my mom, she misses you all a lot and i have already got like 5 smses from her reminding me to put this post on my blog.

ज़िन्दगी कि इस कशमकश में हम कई ज़रूरी काम अधूरे छोड़ जाते हैं
कई बातें अनकही रह जाती हैं।
अफ़सोस इस बात का नही कि हम इन्हे वक़्त पर न कर सके, मगर
अफ़सोस इस बात का है कि येः एहसास होने के बावजूद भी , हम इन्हे अधूरा ही छोड़ दिए।